Moth System
*Throughout this testimonial, we [my internal system/headmates] and I switch between using I and we pronouns
*I wasn’t paid to write this testimonial; it’s my show of gratitude for all of the two-hour group coaching sessions I received at a sliding scale rate of $0-$10/per over an entire year. I also genuinely hope others will benefit from the related resources the Crisses have created.
When I started working with the Crisses a year ago, I was pretty new to recognizing that I’m plural–that “I” am in fact “we”. I was scared and overwhelmed and disoriented. My system was locked in a constant tug-of-war between my stronger personalities/trauma adaptations, while other more vulnerable parts of me were often left feeling discarded and alone in trauma time. This had a negative effect on my relationships, my health, my work, my home, my creativity, and my sense of self.
This was after going through multiple different therapists, dozens of healing modalities, reading countless articles and many books on trauma, neurodivergence, and various other self-help topics I’d haphazardly consumed over decades in an effort to figure out *what was wrong with me* and *how to fix it*. I thought that if I could just find the one right strategy, that I could live a simple, easy life…but nothing had worked (at least, not beyond the initial 6 weeks of dopamine-generating newness in which I was convinced, each time, that finally this was it! The one true fix!)
Accepting my own neuro-complexity and deciding to work with the various parts of myself *as a system* rather than continuing to seek (and fail to find) this holy grail of simplicity has been one of the hardest, best choices I’ve ever made.
Since working with the Crisses a year ago, I’ve made progress in the following areas:
- noticing conflicting feelings *in my body* and resulting patterns of stuckness
- building safety and belongingness into my external and internal environment
- developing self-trust
- listening to what the different parts of myself actually want, and not just what the more judgmental/perfectionist part of myself *thinks* we should want/need/feel/do
- communicating my boundaries and feelings in relationships
- using different modes of expression to access different parts of myself
- resolving some internal conflicts that had previously felt impossible
- reducing the intensity/spiraling of shame cycles
- rescuing younger parts of myself stuck in trauma time
- improving overall self-compassion
The Crisses have put immeasurable work (and heart) into the resources they have created for plural folk, as well as research. While they’re aware that every system is unique and have done their best to make these resources as accessible and adaptable as possible, they’re also taking note of and incorporating modern neuroscience into these techniques and structures. They’re paying attention to trends unfolding within the plural community, as well as adjacent communities. We (as in, my own internal system) have yet to find a resource for plurals that is so *safe*, so research-based, so focused on belongingness and inclusion, and so comprehensive.
Despite all of the work they’ve put into this, as a coach, they’re real. Approachable. They openly discuss their mistakes, struggles (without trauma dumping), blind spots, and hopes in ways that are relatable and that help foster community and make room for everyone to be seen and heard. We have a lot of anxiety in group spaces–fear of making mistakes, of talking too much or too little, of experiencing gaslighting or undue pressure. The Crisses created a group coaching space with agreed-upon boundaries to ensure everyone’s safety and belongingness, with ongoing reminders at the beginning of each session, in a way that didn’t shame anyone and made it possible for folks to build comfort to speak more openly and participate more fully over time. None of the homework is “required” and no one approach is toted to be more viable than any other; the Crisses emphasize self-trust and going at the pace of one’s own system, while still maintaining a consistent structure in which we could “do the work”. As a system who has experienced fragmenting traumas that lead me to develop a profound mistrust of anyone in a leadership position, this level of safety, structure, and encouragement to adjust everything to my own pace/system’s needs was critical.
I’d like to add that the Crisses made the group coaching program I participated in and their other plurality resources sliding scale. Finding and keeping consistent employment, housing, and other vital resources is statistically extremely challenging for plural folx, most of whom are multiply marginalized and disabled. For many of us, the kinds of help that we need most are out of reach. I’m fortunate in that I have assistance from friends and I’m still able to do some gig work, but I haven’t been in a position to pay hundreds of dollars to work with a psychologist trained to work with DID (and I haven’t been able to find one who takes state insurance).
I can’t overstate what having access to this level of comprehensive coaching for such a stigmatized and poorly understood condition has meant to me. The value I received from this program is immeasurable; if I’d had more money, I could have easily spent thousands of dollars on other programs and not have gotten commensurate results. We hope that more plural systems will find and have access to this and similar programs/sets of resources, as well as the empowerment/knowledge/skills to start developing our own resources to contribute to the plural community (this is encouraged in pluralityresource.org).
Through this process I’ve also developed pride in being a part of such a creative, multi-faceted, resilient, resourceful community. We work better together–both as our own internal systems, but also as external systems working together (even/especially if that looks nothing like “teamwork” in the modern-capitalist enforced notion of that word!). Plurality isn’t something to be ashamed of; plurality is powerful when we learn how to work with rather than against ourselves and each other.
If you’re interested in exploring any of the resources I’m referring to in this testimonial and/or working with The Crisses, here they are–(and they continue to expand their offerings, so if you don’t find something that clicks for you now, that could change in the future!):
— Moth system, United Front: Missions group coaching alum
