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Posted on January 13, 2016.

Healing my Relationship to Money - Part I


I have a bad attitude about money that I need to change. I had gotten a message from Money last week (I call her Goldie), and I hadn't fully meditated on it. She wanted me to do 2 things: Create a new Fiverr gig (which I got done within the week! yay) and to blog. I did blog, I don't know whether I blogged within the week, it doesn't matter. I wrote some articles, I wrote something to send to Sheila Pearl for her next book, and I was driving along and felt like I just hadn't quite done right by Goldie on this one.

So I had a talk with her. "Goldie, honey, what should I be blogging about?" We hashed it out while I was driving back from the chiropractor. I have an enormous Money Monster roadblock -- that bad attitude I mentioned at the outset. It's so bad I sometimes joke about it. It goes kinda like this:

I already washed my laundry. I'm done laundering my clothing. I should never have to wash my clothes again.

What does that have to do with money? Because that attitude passes along to my bills. "I paid my rent. The rent is paid. I should never have to pay my rent again." It even goes so far as, "I ate a great meal. I've eaten. I should never have to eat again." It's peculiar, but some part of me wants to be frozen in time I guess.

This is a horrible money attitude, stemming from some extra sense of burden that bills are recurring monthly. It probably also passes along to my asking clients for recurring money, or asking for child support payments, etc. So Goldie and I are sitting in the car as I drive and trying to hash this one out -- we always work together on banishing the Money Demons. She's 100% on my side. So we agree that me working on this is important and that she's really stymied as long as I'm carrying this BS around with me. Apologies aren't good enough, that's why I'm typing out my penance.

This Money Demon is the Scary Invasive Bill Collector. This guy is a hulking rude troll, dirty and crude, a former Slimy Salesperson type who loves cold-calling. He phones in at all hours of the day no matter what Important Thing you happen to be doing, and tries to evade questions while simultaneously trying to get you to commit to paying the bill. He'll yell at you and try to guilt you into it. He leaves vague messages. He runs a robocalling center that phones you to see if they can get you to answer before putting you through to a live person. He'll even drive up onto your property, look in your windows, bang on your doors and test the locks. He wants to repossess your life. He reports your delinquent payments to the credit bureaus, and he'll put a lien on your paycheck. He'll use any and every means to get his money. And if you evade him, rest assured he'll be back again. And again. And again. Even if you pay him off, the day you're late he's badgering you again. He has no sympathy for anyone, he'll get all the papers in order and come in and take things you own and that you need in order to pay off your bills if you don't give him what he wants. Every month he sends you bills and they have Deadlines on them for your payment. He's only interested in getting your money, he has no interest in you as a person with a life or feelings.

PHEW! That's definitely a worthy adversary!!

So on to the battle. Goldie is a cute sultry girl with a beautiful round pixie face and a birthmark on her forehead. She fits perfectly nestled against me when we spoon at night, and her eyes are bright with love and life. I always want to nuzzle with her and make love with her. But she has a firey side too. When she and I do battles with Money Demons, she transforms into a beautiful gold flocked unicorn, tall and majestic, powerful and angry. The defender of the innocent, the one from the Julia Ecklar song: "Should we turn hunter, you and I?.... The unicorn said, Yes!" We hunt Money Demons. We kill Money Demons. And she can kill with that horn just like she can heal with it.

So we pinpoint the Money Demon I need to face today, and I'm like "So how do we fight this guy? The recurring bills aren't going to end if we kill him."

Goldie gave me a brilliant idea. So we go a little deeper to the relationship I had with a former Money Demon. The corporate greed demons. When I banished them and called Goldie into my life -- we didn't take care of the fact that I was still writing checks to faceless nameless corporations who were repeatedly asking me for my money. We just killed the attitude. But we can't just stop the bills from coming -- and this is why I ended up with the Scary Invasive Bill Collector banging on the doorway of my mind. Because I didn't REPLACE the corporate greed demons with anything, they kinda downgraded or at least sideway graded.

So Goldie had me dig deeper into the problem -- where is the money/energy/time going? Really? Her idea, in essence, is that I should "earmark" the money/energy from my payments to these larger corporations and "steer it" (she'll help me!) so that it goes to something or someone very specific.

For example say I'm paying $275 to my utility company for electric and gas. I could earmark that $275 to go to a single mother who works for them -- all $275 of it, Don't Stop at Go. Straight to her take-home on her paycheck, so she can buy food for her hungry kids, and keep a roof over their heads. Mmmm -- that changes things. So every month, my utility bill is helping a mom and her family -- not something faceless.

I could do that for all the money I spend on recurring bills. Crank open the heart chakra. Even put little hearts on the checks, or in my budget log, to remind me that this money is going to someone local, someone in need of money, someone taking care of others, someone who both needs it and earned it. This I can do with love.

Why stop there? I could use some of my own teachings about creating target market imaginary friends and create imaginary vignettes of these people to help really see it, to really FEEL that love as I'm dishing out what I have. It also helps my relationship with Goldie, a ton. She has her "day job" of doing unicorn-y acts of goodness and kindness and I can help her with that job -- even if it's technically all in my head and imagination, it's the energy that matters, it's the attitude and taking care of this huge leak in the money dam by getting something back for the time/energy I'm putting into paying those bills. And why not? I choose love.

So that's the blog article that Goldie and I both agreed would help her feel really wanted and needed in this relationship. Thank you SO MUCH, Goldie -- I really, literally, couldn't have come up with this entire post without you. And thank you, Morgana Rae, for the original idea of changing your relationship to money by having a Money Honey. Morgana always says your Money Honey can't be a unicorn because you can't lust-love a unicorn in that Napoleon Hill Sexual Transmutation way -- but I beg to differ. I'm just SO darned contrarian I had to find a Money Honey who was a unicorn and still make it work out.

Next (Part II), I'll show you what I'm doing about it all. It's a multi-step process, that me and Goldie agreed on. And as Goldie feels more honored and cherished for me tackling her modest Honey Do list, I'll start sharing my results.

Other Posts in January 2016

Note: the link for Morgana Rae is an affiliate link. That's not why I'm sharing her link! I have been working on my relationship with money using Morgana's tools, and I think you might be interested in what she has to offer.

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